


Drowning in Sorrow

by demonic_gay



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, F/F, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 06:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonic_gay/pseuds/demonic_gay
Summary: Helene is dealing with self-hatred.





	Drowning in Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read if you are triggered by any of the tags!

The water in the shower burnt Helene's skin, but the feeling was almost comforting. She found herself loving any pain. It was punishment for not being perfect. The meal that her beautiful girlfriend, Marya, had made her felt heavy in her stomach and she hated it. It made her want to get out and throw it up, but that would make her feel like she was rejecting Marya's kind gesture. She looked down at her body and began to sob. It was a disgusting sight. How the hell could Marya love her when she looks like this? Big brown eyes that filled with tears darted towards the razor sitting on the sink. She thought it would help, so she grabbed it and began to cut away her imperfections. 5 cuts for each of the fat thighs, 10 on her bloated stomach, 15 on each of her wobbly arms. She repeated this process until they were all masked by a thick curtain of blood. There was so much of it that she began to feel dizzy. When the dizziness got too much to handle, she sat down in the tub, scorching water beating her back. Blood swirled down the drain and so did Helene's sanity. Her mind only told her the worst. "Marya would be better of if you were dead." The razor ripped into Helene's skin again. "No one would miss you." Another slice. "You disgrace your family." She broke out into loud, pained sobs. Suddenly the door opened and Helene heard a gasp. "Elena, what have you done?" It was Marya. She felt her girlfriends strong arms pull her out of the tub and wrap her in a warm towel. Marya carried her to the kitchen and sat her on the counter. She grabbed the first and box and began to gently treat Helene's wounds. "Mashenka I'm so sorry," the younger woman choked out, sobbing into Marya's chest. "Hush now Elena, you don't need to be sorry, just please don't do it again. It hurts to see you like this." Helene looked up and no longer saw perfection in her lover. She saw pain and worry. She saw years and sadness. She saw exhaustion. Her hair wasn't in her perfect updo, it was falling out of the bun, her face streaked with tears. For the first time, she saw that she was not the only one hurting.

 


End file.
